What The Heart Wants
by NickandLiv
Summary: After falling apart as quickly as they'd gotten together, Nick is tired of being pushed away and wants Olivia to face her feelings. Bensaro


**SO A WONDERFUL HAPPENED TODAY; I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLETO WRITE BENSARO ANYTHING FOR ABOUT A MONTH. WHEN THE WRITERS LET ROLLARO HAPPEN, IT SHOCKED ME TO MY CORE AND DISHEARTENED ME SO TERRIBLY; I FELT AS IF THEY'D DESTROYED ANY HOPE I HAD OF EVERY BEING ABLE TO SEE NICK AND OLIVIA THE WAY I ALWAYS DID FROM THE VERY BEGINNING – PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I'VE WORSHIPPED THEM, NOT JUST IN MY HEAD, BUT IN MY HEART AND KIND OF REGARDED THEM AS SOMETHING SACRED BUT SUDDENLY IT ALL FELL APART. I WONDERED IF I'D EVER BE ABLE TO RECONNECT AND FIND THAT LOVE AGAIN; TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEM WITHOUT IMAGAES OF ROHELLNO IN MY HEAD BUT I COULDN'T. TODAY, OUT OF THE BLUE, I HEARD A SONG, I WAS WORKING ON AN UPDATE FOR 'HERS TO BEAR' WHEN IT HAPPENED AND THE MOMENT THE SONG BEGAN TO PLAY, THE INSPIRATION HIT ME AND I STOPPED WHAT I WAS DOING, OPENED A FRESH PAGE AND THIS STORY CAME OUT JUST LIKE THAT! IT'S A ONSHOT, BUT IT'S A START AND HOPEFULLY MORE WILL COME AND I CAN BE ABLE TO GET BACK TO WRITING THE SEXCERPTS. OK, SPEECH OVER. DICK WOLF OWNS THESE CHARACTERS. ENJOY!**

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_**For Radioactivewhisper who shares my pain, and for Sara who wouldn't let me wallow in it!**_

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**OUTSIDE THE 1-6, LATE NIGHT…**

"Why are you so afraid?" he asked, his body impossibly close to hers as she stood against the fence.

"I'm not afraid"

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

"Because we can't"

"Who says?" He asked, his lips dangerously close to hers; as close as they could be without actually touching, yet so close that she could feel the heat of his breath on her mouth and she had to fight every neuron in her body to not reach out and inhale him.

"Nick-"

"Stop fighting me Olivia." He said as he penetrated her with his stare. Those eyes, those incredibly, sexy pools of darkness; when he looked at her, whether it be from across a room or face to face it made her absolutely weak; HE made her absolutely weak! She had been trying hard to fight the attraction she felt for him ever since the day he walked into the squad room. There was no way she would allow herself to fall into that pattern again – loving her partner. She would never give in to such feelings again, never again allow herself to entertain even the thought but Nick had been diligent; he was determined to have what he wanted.

_This is a different world, Serpico; not everyone has the stomach for it!_

She was an absolute vision and she'd captivated him the very second he laid eyes on her; her gorgeous dark hair that was rivaled only by the beautiful intensity of her eyes, those eyes that he often, over the years found himself completely lost in. The more he'd gotten to know her, the more his infatuation grew and eventually became something else; he wanted this woman, he LOVED this woman and he was ready to lay everything on the line for her, for just the chance to be something more to her than her partner, more than just her friend. She'd given him the chance once but just as quickly, had taken it away. He wanted it back, all of her and right now, this night as they stood in the back of the dimly lit precinct parking lot, her back against the chain-link fence, he knew that the moment was now or never. He had to confront he with how he felt- with how he knew she felt but couldn't admit, much less give herself over to again but tonight it had to change, it would change.

"We need to talk about-"

"We don't! And why are you doing this here, now? Where is this coming from?"

"From here" he said as he took her hand in his and pressed her palm to his heart, all the while never taking his gaze from her.

"But then, you know that. Liv you know what I feel for you, what I've always felt for you." she looked down and away from his eyes, he gently brushed her chin with his fingers and tilted it so that she was again looking at him.

She was crumbling; her hand remained resting on his chest, reveling in the steady rhythm of his heart. She'd known quite some time ago that she was falling for him but she didn't feel that it would be right to do anything about it. She'd come so close to giving in to her feelings for him so many times and one night, fueled by those feelings, she'd kissed him after he'd driven her home and they'd both confessed some things, but then she quickly rethought the situation and backed away, leaving him as confused as she was.

She'd gone up to her apartment and freaked out over it that night. Later, they'd decided to try the whole togetherness thing but after a couple months, one morning she woke up in his bed after a night of earth shattering sex that turned into morning sex the very second he opened his eyes and as she came down from her orgasm, what she considered the unthinkable happened…

_I love you! _She murmured breathlessly as he collapsed on top of her and the very second the words left her mouth, she knew it was a huge mistake! She swore to herself that she would never be the one to say it first again; she couldn't leave herself open to be hurt and she was sure that that was exactly where it would lead – to her mending yet another broken heart and she couldn't survive another. She quickly pushed him off of her, feeling pain when he pulled out due to her now tense state,

"What's wrong?" he asked as she got out of his bed, very much out of breath himself

"I can't do this!" she cried as she pulled on her clothes and ran from the house. Later, at work, she told him that it was over between them and refused to talk about why, leaving him devastated. That was five months ago and he'd been trying desperately since then to get through to her but she avoided him; not tonight.

"I know how you feel"

"You don't" she denied

"I do" he insisted "You think that I'll hurt you; that at some point I'll walk away but you're wrong. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out! You're beautiful and sexy and difficult and complicated and everything I could ever want or hope to have. Why can't you just accept that and let me love you?"

"I have to go" she said and moved to leave but he quickly put his hands against the fence on either side of her shoulders, boxing her in.

"Not this time! I'm not running from this anymore and I'm not letting you run from me. Are you really so afraid of love?"

"Nick, move!" she demanded, feeling tears begin to sting her eyes

"Not this time. We're gonna lay our cards on the table"

"I mean it!" she warned as she again tried to move and he stopped her

"I'm not mov-" he started but was cut short when she grabbed his left arm and twisted it around, pinning it painfully behind his back as she slammed his body, face-first against the fence and held him there while he winced from the burning pain that was tearing through his shoulder and elbow.

"You know breaking my arm won't shut me up, right? And it sure as hell won't change my feelings" he smirked in spite of the pain he was in. She was coming undone and he knew it. she gave a deep sigh before letting out a loud, frustrated growl and relinquishing her hold on him.

"Why do you have to be so damn INFURIATING?!" she screamed then stood there, her chest heaving from deep, labored breaths she took in an attempt to calm her anger while their eyes locked on one another.

"Because I love you!" he yelled. Neither of them said another word for a long moment when suddenly, she threw herself into his arms and smothered his mouth with her desperate kiss, one that he quickly returned with just as much want.

She couldn't hold back anymore; it physically pained her to deny what she felt for him and she had done it for so long that it had begun to cripple her but no more! She told him everything with her kiss, bared her heart, her soul, left no doubt in his mind about what she wanted; she wanted him, she wanted them and everything they could be.

"I love you too!" she cried against his mouth. He spun her around, pushing her against the fence as the smoldering heat of their kissing continued. They had been the last two to leave tonight, so they didn't have to worry about being seen, not that she cared anyway. Right now, all she saw was him and felt nothing except how much she wanted him.

He pulled her closer to him and lifted her, she wrapping her legs around his waist and raising her hands above her head, linking her finger through the fence to hold on. She could feel how hard he was, his erection pushing against her, making her wet. She began grinding her hips against his, causing friction against her clit and she moaned as he sucked on her collarbone; she wanted him inside her so bad! He felt her frustration just as much, she having bought him to near climax by moving against his dick the way she was.

"Baby please; right here!" she begged. He wanted nothing more than to give her what she wanted, to tear off her clothes and fuck her senseless against that fence but not tonight, not their first time back together.

"Tomorrow, I promise wherever you want" he said as he gently put her down on her feet and stood caressing her face.

"But tonight, I'm gonna take you home, lie you down…" he continued as he allowed his fingertips to trace the curve of her breast, stopping to let them graze over her nipple as she bit her lip. "Then undress you slow before I make love to you!" he said then pulled her in for another kiss.

"Tell me this I'm not making a huge mistake"

"Does it feel like a mistake?" he asked as she paused and looked into his eyes, searching them; tears filling her own yet still, she smiled.

"I'll tell you in the morning!" she promised.

He smiled and took her hand as they walked across the parking lot to his car; neither of them guessing that exactly seven weeks from tonight, they'd be blessed with news that would make clear to her what he'd always known, that they were meant to be.

...

**End.**


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